Why are writers and stoners my favorite people? Writers are very much in their own heads. Or the process of writing is about being inside your own head. How do you want to say something? How do you tell a particular story? To write is to think about an idea, over and over, to make it meaningful in some way, to parse out the significance. “Now that I understand the significance of everything that happened.”

For stoners—or at least for this particular stoner—I think weed is about very much the same thing. Moments just making sense. Unique insights and perspective.

Daniel Jones, the editor of the New York Times’ Modern Love column, says writers need to be smart.

‘Smart’ takes time and demonstrates authority. It probably represents an understanding the writer didn’t have when he or she began writing. It means being humble enough to have faith that the writing process is where you learn rather than where you prove what you already know.

I love that last line.

I submitted another Modern Love essay this past Friday, Nov. 11, on my 5-year wedding anniversary. The timing felt symbolic to the piece, which I started writing last year, but finished only while dealing with some of the challenges I’ve written about more recently. (I have a one percent chance of getting selected, but can’t post the essay on the blog in the event I do get picked, so here’s hoping.). Anyway, my new Modern Love piece is about the central struggle with addiction we’ve faced in our eight-year relationship, and I titled it “The Lotus Eaters.”

The first 500 words or so poured out of me after one of our last big fights, which, oddly enough, fell on our four-year anniversary. Then I put it aside and only revisited it in the past month.

I’m proud of how it turned out. It’s painful and honest and raw and beautiful, much like love itself. Working on it forced me to think about our relationship in a way I may not have otherwise. Does Mr. D love marijuana more than me? Do I love Mr. D more than myself? How do drugs fit into our life? Who would I be without him? Him without me? Where do we go from here?

Mr. D stopped smoking after our last blow out and started acting like a better husband and partner. I noticed a few alerts on his phone during that time—“Write like a motherfucker” popping up every now and again—and I knew that could only mean a poem from my favorite writer and stoner. Then, on Friday morning, I received this:

11/11/16

From its inception, our connection

has been stronger than the pull

of the lotus, have you noticed

how I’m so much less a fool?

Now, admittedly, I didn’t see

what I had done to you.

But you stuck with me (God

Lucky me!) you’re so incredible!

The year count rose, I ebbed, I

flowed, but you were just a G.

Your steady presence, heady

essence intoxicated me.

You stood your ground, head up,

Feet down and always did believe

In me, in us, your love, babe, trust

Is all I’ll ever need.

So far we’ve come, five years along, or

Is it eight? Nineteen?

I like to think we’re on the brink of

Lifetime 23

Thousand, million, maybe billion… all my

Lives with thee

The way it is, the way it’s been,

How it will forever be.

As we traverse this path, it’s work,

But I say c’est la vie!

Feel work, shit, don’t run from it

(To paraphrase Sean T).

It’s worth it when the work becomes

The sum of you and me.

Because together, we are better

And that’s just as things should be.

My love for you, my love is true

And deep and pure and strong.

My love for you, my darling boo,

Could never steer me wrong.

The way you make me feel it’s

So surreal it’s like a song

That plays and plays for days

As we just fuck all weekend long.

We’re five years in and I just grin

As I sit and reflect

In all the time we’ve spent (divine!)

And how you’re just the best.

The memories of happily just

Being in our nest.

And cooler things, like traveling,

Being adventurous.

I can’t describe the feeling/vibe

I get when I’m with you

Overwhelming sense of wellness,

Blissful peace yet passion too

When we’re entwined, your arms

In mine, I could never be blue.

‘Cuz even if I feel like shit, I

Don’t when I’m with you.

Thank you for how you adore

Me and our little girls

And how you show it, bet we

Know it! We are your whole world.

We’ll always know by how you glow

The way your love unfurls

That we are yours, and you are

Ours, and all’s right in the world.

So this November, let’s remember

Why we came to be

Why I love you so damn much

And why you, too, love me.

As we both drive, the road of life

So inseparably

I simply nod my head, thank God,

For A….. and me.